I have now been married for eight wonderful years to a man I admire and respect and for whom I feel great passion. We have been together for almost ten years, when you count that painful yet giddy time we worked out a life together from 3000 miles apart. Neither of us had been in a relationship for longer than a few years - our relationship was breaking new ground in so many ways.
We are different from each other in many facets of life, and yet we have so much in common. We both devour books in whole huge chunks of knowledge, yet I love novels and poetry and he loves non-fiction and logic. We both love sports, yet I love only team sports and he loves wrestling and fighting too. We both love teaching, yet I love the nurturing play of words and humor and he loves imparting knowledge to open minds so that they can have control over their future and elevate their lives.
We say "I love you" everyday, without question (although some days when the world is harsh I ask him to promise and he always does, gently). We detest fights and tension. We are careful with each other everyday, and if we tread too harshly on each other's feelings we apologize and mean it. We are a relationship worth 200% -each giving 100%. And if he can not give 100%, I will step up and give extra until he can give 100% again. I unequivocally trust that he will. I believe the same is true for him.
I read recently about another marriage. The author was exploring the definition of desire. "What we have lived in marriage, of course, is what countless people have lived: the realization that in giving, in truly loving, we actually stop wanting. In desire, we go from a place of need and try to satisfy ourselves; in loving, we leave our own needs behind and paradoxically find them met." The desire to remain married to this man and trust him with the rest of my life is not something with which I struggle or question. I just know.
